When a man watches pornography, why do (some) women feel unwanted by their partner? I don’t get this association. When I read a book it’s not because I think my partner’s conversation is boring. If I watch a travel documentary doesn’t mean I’m not happy in the city I live in.
I’ve had the conversation many times with women. Their partner/boyfriend/husband watching sexually explicit films somehow means that he’s not satisfied with her performance. I personally think that’s rubbish and I reiterate that regularly.
“But all the women have HUGE boobs and I don’t” Firstly, they don’t and secondly, have you ever seen how well hung the men are in these films? How do you think your boyfriend feels about that?!
“He only ever watches girl on girl and I’m straight” Then go find a film YOU like and pop it on. Duh.
“Why is he watching them? He should want to watch me!” Then put on a show sweetheart, he’ll watch it.
“These girls do things I’m not willing to do” AH! This one is actually valid in my books. This doesn’t mean he’s not satisfied with what you WILL do. Maybe it’s a curiosity. If you’re comfortable with your partner then try it, it may not work, you both may not enjoy it and the curiosity will subside. Or you may both find something that to add to the repertoire. But always keep in mind your partner may not expect you to do any of these things, so relax.
I’m using heterosexual examples here because I’m yet to come across a gay/lesbian relationship that has these issues. Not to say it doesn’t exist, but the above are extracts from actual conversations and are applicable no matter the orientation.
Many women also have the reverse issue. They watch “those films” and feel they can’t watch them with their partner because they will be labelled a “slut” (I love inverted comers). Although many men say they would love it if their partner chucked on a movie, sometimes when that happens they freak out.
Why? They feel like they are not satisfying their partner. Why would you need a film on, isn’t he man enough? HA!
It’s about self esteem and what you find alluring. If someone puts on a film that you’re not into AT ALL, then maybe you’re not sexually compatible. Understand that everybody is trying to find what their own buttons are throughout their whole life.
We should be sexually active for the vast majority of our lives and you can’t expect missionary to be on the top of the list every. Bloody. time.
In closing, go to a restaurant with your partner and order something off the menu that you’ve never tried before. Then go home and do something you’ve never tried before.
You may find your new favourite dish.
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