Brilliant People

For the past few years I’ve been watching my friends and myself go through our quarter life crisis. Why? Because, we all want something. Problem is, we don’t know what that something is. You see, late teens and early twenties are there to have fun, make mistakes, to be reckless. It was our time to figure it out. Now that we’re in our mid to late 20’s, this is when the life we were preparing for actually starts happening. We were told the we had plenty of time to figure it out and now we still have no idea what we’re doing but have to make some uneducated decisions anyway.

But we were young and the life we started then may not work for us now and now we have it live with it because we worked so hard and it was all for nothing if we change it all now but we’re still young and this is our chance, if ever we will have one, to get it right and what will people think and maybe it’s all a big mistake. But we still don’t know.

So what now?

 Most of us are on a path. A career, not just a job. A relationship, not just dating. We have a little savings or getting to the end of paying off our debt (thanks early 20’s). So should we follow our parents lead? Get married and have kids? No, that would be silly. We’re not ready for that. We’ve only just figured out how to spew without smudging our lipstick.  Let’s not complicate things.

Some of our friends have bought a house, a dog and a baby. I know it seems horrible but it feels like they have admitted defeat. A job that pays the bills and a ho-hum house that has “a big garden”. Remember when we avoided houses with gardens because that meant we had to mow the lawn? No one wants to do that on a Sunday morning with a hangover.

But these people don’t have hang overs anymore. They have 2 glasses of wine rather than two bottles and get home at a reasonable hour. Are we really ready for that? Is that what our life will become or are we just being childish by trying to hold onto our last shards of youth? Are we just Peter Pan when it’s time to become Wendy?

 

Maybe we are truly brilliant people who want more from life than to be a banker. What if we are THOSE people that do it all wrong but get it all right because we did what felt good and not the sensible thing. Not the thing that everyone else is doing. You know THAT thing., that’s not us. We’re special and we know this because we are much wittier than our banker friends. We don’t fit in with them so we must be the other type.

But here we are at the axis between young adulthood and a real grown up. Having no idea what we want but just wanting more than everyone else is settling for.

Anything I Can Do, You Can Do Better

A friend’s sister turned to me and said of her brother “He’s amazing, he can do anything”.

Granted at the time he was doing back flips so I could see where she was coming from. But I had a similar conversation with my older brother, where he told me that I was beautiful and intelligent and that I just did everything with ease and a smile on my face. When he said this it floored me, HE was the intelligent, articulate one. I just sat there and smiled because I couldn’t add anything to the conversations. My other brother was the social, charismatic one so I always saw myself as “the other one”. Just the girl of the brood.

We seem to directly compare ourselves with our siblings. After all we have the same genetic makeup (give or take), the same parents (give or take) and often go to the same schools and grow up in the same neighbourhood. So how come they can do it and I always seem to fall short?

I’ve seen my parents do it with their siblings. Compare, compare, compare. So we don’t seem to grow out of it.

The only measure I think anyone should use is themselves. But I’ve only come to this conclusion rather recently. So for most of my life I was comparing myself to my siblings and peers. The benefit of peers is they seem to drift out of our lives at some stage, either by choice or just by lifestyle, people drift apart. Often this doesn’t happen with family. Throughout your whole life, there they are, being different, making other choices, showing you how it could have been if you had done what they did.

Hearing my brother say I was successful, that he felt I was getting something right, was a really helpful part of growing up. And let’s face it, we’re all always growing up. We always have someone else in our life that has a better car/job/style/hobby/pet/cook but not one of these people have ALL of these things. My friends with amazing hobbies and passions for something tend to earn less money and those who own their own home and have a better car have more stressful, taxing careers.

Trying to look at all the good things about our peers and see if we can learn something from them rather than letting the envy takeover would be much more useful.

All those amazing, accomplished people in your life are open books. Read them.

Dirty Bird

When a man watches pornography, why do (some) women feel unwanted by their partner? I don’t get this association. When I read a book it’s not because I think my partner’s conversation is boring. If I watch a travel documentary doesn’t mean I’m not happy in the city I live in.

I’ve had the conversation many times with women. Their partner/boyfriend/husband watching sexually explicit films somehow means that he’s not satisfied with her performance. I personally think that’s rubbish and I reiterate that regularly.

“But all the women have HUGE boobs and I don’t” Firstly, they don’t and secondly, have you ever seen how well hung the men are in these films? How do you think your boyfriend feels about that?! 

“He only ever watches girl on girl and I’m straight” Then go find a film YOU like and pop it on. Duh.

“Why is he watching them? He should want to watch me!” Then put on a show sweetheart, he’ll watch it.

“These girls do things I’m not willing to do” AH! This one is actually valid in my books. This doesn’t mean he’s not satisfied with what you WILL do. Maybe it’s a curiosity. If you’re comfortable with your partner then try it, it may not work, you both may not enjoy it and the curiosity will subside. Or you may both find something that to add to the repertoire. But always keep in mind your partner may not expect you to do any of these things, so relax.

I’m using heterosexual examples here because I’m yet to come across a gay/lesbian relationship that has these issues. Not to say it doesn’t exist, but the above are extracts from actual conversations and are applicable no matter the orientation.

Many women also have the reverse issue. They watch “those films” and feel they can’t watch them with their partner because they will be labelled a “slut” (I love inverted comers). Although many men say they would love it if their partner chucked on a movie, sometimes when that happens they freak out.

Why? They feel like they are not satisfying their partner. Why would you need a film on, isn’t he man enough? HA!

It’s about self esteem and what you find alluring. If someone puts on a film that you’re not into AT ALL, then maybe you’re not sexually compatible. Understand that everybody is trying to find what their own buttons are throughout their whole life.

We should be sexually active for the vast majority of our lives and you can’t expect missionary to be on the top of the list every. Bloody. time.

In closing, go to a restaurant with your partner and order something off the menu that you’ve never tried before. Then go home and do something you’ve never tried before.   

You may find your new favourite dish.

My Women

My great grandmother  had two daughters, both of these daughters were to be well educated and have careers. To be their own women and not defined as “their husbands wife”. One became a doctor and the other was meant to become a concert pianist.

My grandmother didn’t want to be a pianist, she became a housewife... with seven kids. My great grandmother was not impressed, she wanted her daughters to be “modern women”.

But my grandmother still rallied for women’s rights and to have political awareness, for women to be seen as intellectuals that had something to say and had a right to say it. She put on her first pair of slacks when she was in her early 20’s and announced she would never wear a skirt again… ever.

She lied, but in the late 40’s this was a bold move for a woman.

She said she was an advocate of woman’s rights without being a woman’s lib type and after her death I realised how much she did for woman in Australia, which is a pity because I would have loved to talk to her about it.

She was also a religious woman who thought a woman’s place was to be a homemaker. I have no doubt that she battled with these points of view, again I wish I could talk to her candidly about it now.

Moving right along to the next generation, my mother is/was women’s lib to an extreme, stereotypical extent. When I was about 9 she came home with a crew cut and refused to wear makeup or jewellery and didn’t shave or pluck anything… except for her top lip. She did have her pride.

She also decided she was a born again virgin (not sure how that works when you have three kids) and she believed that women (more specifically, mothers) were the single most important thing on this planet.

At least this was my impression of her when I was 9 to when I was 15.

She still has the occasional tendency of “man bashing” and making broad brush strokes when defining what “men” are like. My poor brothers, I’m happy that I was a female in this environment.

I’m not kidding, I am happy I was in this environment. I was raised that women, all women, had the power and strength to be what ever they wanted. Anything at all.

So I, the 4th generation of strong, motivated women…. became an accountant.

WOO! I am woman hear me roar!

I think I take my rights as a woman, or rather as a human being, for granted. I know the women before me fought and are still fighting for our right to be equal to our male counterparts.

But I also enjoy being in the kitchen and wearing make up and I rather value my bra (yes, I know they didn’t actually burn their bra’s, it was symbolic). I value being a women and I enjoy wearing skirts and slacks and I think that women’s right is the right to choose. As it is a man’s right to wear skirts or slacks if he so chooses.

I think the post modern woman doesn’t need to be anything other than what they want, if it be a pianist or a homemaker.

Employment

According to my employment contract, I’m expected to be at work, and most likely working, 8 ½ hours a day. Realistically I’m there 9 hours at least. If I include commuting time and organising myself to go to work, I spend about 11 hours out of my day orientated around work. So basic, and let’s face it demoralising, maths shows that I spend 8 hours sleeping less 11 hours working leaves me with 5 hours in my evenings. Take away a further 2 hours for house work, stopping off at the shops on the way home for sustenance and what not then another hour or so I spend at the gym every other day I’ve got about 2 to 3 hours every day to enjoy my life... “life” mustn’t forget the important inverted comers on that one.

I admit this bothers me a little, but we all do it so I shouldn’t really complain.

The moral of this isn’t “oh pity me, I’m so busy with my modern life”. Let’s face it, I’m the one that wants those new shoes that are completely impracticable and will most likely lead to medical expenses later in life in the form of lower back issues but, they are so pretty and make me feel better about myself, until the balls of my feet start pounding in agony. I don’t want to go without these useless additions to my life so I make sure I can afford the things I want. 

The aim of this little tangent is that we spend 8 ½ hours a day with my work mates and about 3 hours with my partner/friends/ family and most importantly myself. So why do people at work seem to make as little effort as possible to build relationships with their co workers? I’m not saying we all have to be best friends, far from it, but at least try to create a pleasant atmosphere.

I’m referring to one person in particular at my place of work. Snide comments if I’m eating chocolate (it’s my arse and I can do what I want with it), expressly inviting the person next to me out for lunch every bloody day (I’ve never been asked), asking if I’m not feeling well because I look soooo run down (this happens mainly on days where I think I’m dolled up quite nicely).

I admit I don’t want to go to lunch with this person but it the way they seem to intentionally show I’m not welcome. That I’m somehow not worthy to be in their company and I’m not the only person she does it to (Yes, shock horror it’s a woman that is being a right ol’ bitch in the workplace). It’s that she is going out of her way to make the people around her feel uncomfortable. Then she gets upset that we don’t like her, the poor little poppet.

I try to make an effort with co workers, we do after all spend a hell of a lot of time with them and even though we don’t choose them, they have a big impact on our day to day lives. So I smile when I walk past someone in the kitchen and I ask how their weekend was. I do this because I don’t think I’m a raving lunatic that thinks that my happiness is at the cost of everyone else, that I don’t need to feel superior than someone to make my life worth living.

Being nice 80% of the time is worth it so that 20% that you’re in a grump, someone will make you a coffee and be understanding that you’re only human.

Intro and a Rant

I like the idea of being the “other woman”. Not in a sexually explicit affair kind of way but in the sense that I don’t think I fit any of the stereotypes put on my gender. Being “the other one” isn’t a bad thing and not something to be ashamed of. I have a feeling that most people feel like they don’t really fit in with any crowd and that we sometimes feel like a bit of an outcast.

I wanted to start a blog not because I think what I have to say is ground breaking or, to be honest, all that interesting.  I think the majority of things I’m going to blog about are what I think the issue with the “do it all” mentality that is what I see to be the driving force behind why so many people these days are so unhealthy, stressed and not just obese but morbidly obese.  There is probably going to be some other bits a pieces in here too, I’m not really sure.

Back on topic, I can’t forget the day my ex’s autistic nephew, at only 18 months old, could not only identify a Hungry Jacks outlet (Burger King for those outside of Melbourne) but made “ommmmyummmm yummm” noises at it.  I don’t blame the fast food outlet and I understand his parents had one hell of a challenge raising him and put a lot of effort in developing his abilities and loved him unconditionally. I was however gobsmacked, a child with all of his challenges could do this at 18 months old. What the hell is happening to the world?

Not long ago a work mate of mine thought she was being healthy by drinking a juice box, once the sugar content was pointed out to her she was amazed. She thought she was being so healthy and doing a good thing for her body, she has since decided to stick to water.

I can’t help but think that maybe this is all a side effect of having not been properly educated by our parents on what is “good food” and “bad food”. Most people have working parents and some people aren’t even fed decent meals these days. If you don’t have the drive to actually pay attention to what we are eating then it is so easy to fill our body’s full of preservatives, colours, favours, sugars and salts. Not to mention “cooking” these days mainly consists with reheating pre-packaged food off the shelf. Have these people really not clicked that a cream based sauce off the shelf that can keep for 3 months is just not right, not to mention it tastes awful.  I still have “bad food” (seriously onion rings at 4 am are fantastic) I Just know it’s not something I should eat every day, which is something it seems a lot of people have forgotten. And let’s face it, cookies are a sometimes food and we shouldn’t need the cookie monster to tell us that.

Sometimes things in life throw a spanner in the works and so we don’t look after ourselves properly but I don’t see that as an excuse to give up and eat frozen pizza four nights a week.

I’m not a “health freak” or a “gym junkie” and I’m defiantly not wonder woman. It doesn’t need to be amazing food it doesn’t need to wow all your friends but who said the putting half decent food in your mouth was in the too hard pile.